Oh Snap! Its About To Get Real!

Bonjour tout le monde! Can anyone tell me what love is?? Anyone? Because I don't feel it, I don't know it, I'm kinda scared of it and I don't trust it anymore (well, sometimes but ehh..). I'm going to be honest with you. My parents are divorced (they didn't get the papers sign yet but it seems official). My dad doesn't live with us anymore and my mom completely wants him out of her life. It hurts so much to see people that used to love each other split. It even hurts more when they already moved on and got themselves a NEW F-ing BOYFRIEND!!! WHO LIVES IN YOUR HOUSE ALL THE TIME!!! I don't really consider that person a "boyfriend" if he lives in your house ALL the time. Why can't my mom find happiness through something else? I'm scared when I'm in my room while my mom and her boyfriend are in their room too. Do you get the picture? The bird and the bee's...Do I have to say more? Its disgusting I tell you. I can't sleep anymore when I'm living with my mom. I can't stop crying. I use to be a happy person.

I hate her boyfriend. He looks like the "Thing" from the Fantastic Four movie. He's not bad personality wise, I just hate the fact he's in my house and my mom is dating him.

Ever since my mom told me about the divorce I've been grieving about it. I'm trying to not let this effect my life but the choices you make around your love one's affect them too. What you do around people affects them too. So, I can't really escape it. I've also been confused about what true love is. I admire couples who stayed with each other for long time. I wonder whats there secret is...What is true love suppose to look like? I'm also scared of it for some reason. I'm scared to date anyone because I don't want to get hurt. I have trust issues with people sometimes. I don't trust them to love me...I guess. In all, I'm just hurt and scared. I sometimes think "why am I so hurt from this? It's not my life.". But when you care about someone, you want them to see them happy.

I think my mom is in denial about this. I don't think she's truly happy. Well, in my opinion at least. I mean she hooked up after the divorce for goodness sakes! Doesn't that show something?? She always tells me that she still cares about my dad but she's always talking bad about him. She always saying that she"s glad he's gone. She even told him he can't come inside our house anymore to talk to us. DOES THAT SHOW ANY "CARE-NESS" ABOUT HIM?!?! HELL TO THE NO!! I don't think she cares about him anymore. Why can't he come inside our house?? What did he do to deserve that??

I miss him so much. I only get to see him after school and every other weekend. I cry when I tell him I miss him when I'm talking on the phone with him. I try to be strong when it comes to that. I feel alone in this situation. I wonder how much pain a human heart can take...

Well, this post is long as it is. Sorry if I babbled a lot. Thats all for today.

Until then,

Divine Dae